hey, dad, are you looking
can you see me whistle off
the edge of this mountain do you
notice the valley we are so
far away from, how heavy
is your chest and open
are your eyes please, if
this ledge should buckle
and suddenly i turn into
a landslide, i want someone
to at least notice.
can i handle the seasons
of my life we are singing
in the car doing ten over
i am so anxious
to tell you about my day
i am so hungry for you
to see me do anything
that doesnt make me hurt.
hence this mountain.
hence my entire portfolio
of poems denouncing my
whole life goddamnit pops
you sure did scare us —
consider this payback.
our lives a slow reel of flashbulbs
and i want to get my smile right.
your shoulder against mine.
there is a huge crevasse behind us.
nothing we could throw in
would ever fill it, i tell you,
and we decide to hurl all
of our sadness, all our limp
pain and the melancholia into it.
most of the time you are gone.
most of the time there is some
unconscious noticing of your being gone.
you sure did scare us. the room
gets a little more black until saturday.
its funny i don’t wear shoes with laces
with how long it took me to learn
to knot and swoop, double loop,
dad look, one foot totally airborne,
stay in arms reach, can we be here
until the sun sets. will you sit
with me a little longer.
can we watch the light
bury itself lovingly into this gorge
as we talk about rotary engines,
about species of extinct birds,
or how swell it is just existing.
first draft, you won’t see the final version here. buy my book maybe how about them apples
sorry ive been slow/not posting or writing much….i finished my last college course this week and am getting ready to become a florida state alumni a week from…about right now. just sort of taking a breather. just sort of soaking my life in and trying not to be sad about where i am, who i am, what (if anything) is next. i am writing a poem for my dads bday but thats about it.